Living with a partner who has ADHD

Relationships thrive on understanding, communication, and teamwork. When one partner has ADHD, these pillars can be tested in unique ways. ADHD is not just about being forgetful or distracted; it’s a brain difference that influences how someone processes emotions, handles responsibilities, and connects with others. Here’s how ADHD might show up in your relationship—and some ways to navigate it together.

The Everyday Impacts

1. Forgetfulness and Follow-Through:
   Imagine your partner agreeing to do the dishes but forgetting the moment they get distracted by their phone. It’s not that they don’t care—it’s that ADHD can make it tough for them to stay focused or complete tasks.

2. Hyperfocus vs. Disinterest:
   There might be times when your partner is so deeply immersed in a hobby or work that the rest of the world fades away. Other times, they may seem uninterested or disconnected. This swing can feel confusing, but it’s tied to how ADHD affects attention.

3. Emotional Intensity:
   Some people with ADHD experience emotions more intensely than others. A small disagreement might feel like a big deal, or they may struggle to regulate frustration. On the flip side, their enthusiasm and passion can be contagious.

4. Executive Function Challenges:
   Managing schedules, chores, or finances might be harder for your partner. This can lead to feelings of frustration or resentment if one person feels like they’re carrying more weight.

Relatable Examples

• You plan a romantic dinner, but your partner forgets and shows up late, not realizing how much effort you put in.

• You’ve asked them three times to organize a closet, but they still haven’t gotten around to it because they’re overwhelmed by the task.

• They hyperfocus on planning a vacation but lose track of time when it’s their turn to cook dinner.

Building a Stronger Connection

1. Focus on Understanding, Not Blame:
   Remember that ADHD is not intentional laziness or carelessness. If something isn’t working, talk about it as a team without pointing fingers.

2. Break Down Tasks:
   If your partner struggles with big projects, help break them into smaller steps. For instance, instead of “clean the garage,” suggest “sort the tools” or “take out the recycling.”

3. Find Systems That Work:
   Explore routines or tools, like shared calendars or reminder apps, to stay organized.

4. Celebrate the Positives:
   Partners with ADHD can bring creativity, spontaneity, and a fresh perspective to your relationship. Don’t let the challenges overshadow the strengths.

Relationships require effort, and when ADHD is part of the mix, that effort might just look a little different. As a therapist, I specialize in providing unique couples counseling tailored for relationships where one or both partners have ADHD. My ADHD-focused approach helps couples understand how ADHD impacts their dynamic, improve communication, and create practical strategies for managing challenges together. By fostering understanding and equipping both partners with tools that work for their specific needs, I help couples build stronger, more connected relationships where each person feels valued and supported. If this resonates with your experience, let’s work together to navigate these challenges and strengthen your partnership.